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Classic Saturday Rub: Garry exposing Spud's dental work
Classic Saturday Rub: Garry exposing Spud's dental work

Classic Saturday Rub: The Full Saga Of Garry Exposing Spud’s Dental Work

On today’s Classic Saturday Rub we’ve delved back to the second week of May in 2013 to the entire saga of Garry Lyon exposing Spud’s dental work!

THE FULL SAGA OF GARRY EXPOSING SPUD’S DENTAL WORK:

The saga started on Wednesday on the Rush Hour, when Garry called in and told JB and Billy Brownless that he had some info so hot that he’d had to effectively go into hiding and held genuine concerns about being followed.

It continued through until Saturday, where he was able to reveal, live on the Saturday Rub, the explosive contents of a dossier he’d prepared after getting the final legal go ahead at 12:30.

Check out all the gold we’ve surfaced so far on the Classic Saturday Rub playlist:

THE FULL TRANSCRIPT OF GARRY’S SPEECH EXPOSING SPUD’S DENTAL WORK:

“I take no joy in what I am about to reveal, but I have a commitment to hundreds of thousands of Saturday Rub fans to ensure that they remain informed regardless of the consequences of my actions.

“And make no mistake — my safety will be compromised as a result of the findings of a week long investigation that has confirmed, albeit to my personal dismay, a situation that remains hard for me to digest and comprehend.

“The Triple M Saturday team is the tightest-knit team in the history of football media.

“Lou (Richards), Jack (Dyer), and Bob (Davis) may have appeared to many a united group, but they have nothing on this group.

“We share everything together. Our successes, our triumphs, are celebrated with an understated modesty that embarrasses our competitors.

“‘How can they be so self-deprecating in the face of such achievements?’, they ask themselves. I have been moved to ponder the same baffling question.

“On the rare occasion that one of us fails to live up to the extraordinary high standards that we demand of each other, we resist the temptation to revel in the failures of one of our own, and instead we gather ourselves around them and wrap the symbolic Triple M wings — highlighted by our logo and Dr Dan — around them and offer nothing but encouraging words and heart-wrenching empathy until they are able to dust off the stench of failure and rejoin the team — albeit at the bottom of the peer ladder of respect.

MORE CLASSIC SATURDAY RUB:

“On this occasion I can offer no such support.

“Over the years, we have been prepared to deal with the hand that God has provided us.

“Warrior is as blind as batshit, and can’t see past his nose. But he nobly accepts that he has to front up in public with a pair of coke bottles strapped to his face just to get through the day.

“Jim has to exist in a world where those that he works with have been required to chisel frames of granite over the journey.

“I am no exception — how difficult it must be for him to front up each week with a sunken chest and arms of cotton, but he does regardless of his physical sense of inferiority.

“And yes, trimming up the body hair with a whipper snipper before I start each day is not a pleasurable experience, but it is something I must do if I’m not to be herded up and dumped into the gorilla cage at the Melbourne Zoo.

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“Which leads me to Spud.

“The rugged son of a Bungaree potato farmer, whose brothers, brothers-in-law, cousins and nephews, whilst never challenging for the cover of GQ Magazine, remain comfortable in their own skin.

“When they look in the mirror, they have no choice but to play the hand they were dealt, and the great Spud Regis himself has been withering in his contempt for anyone that would dare try and alter the course the good lord has provided by means other than hard work and good fortune.

“He refuses to even acknowledge that anyone may go down the hair hat path: ‘Live with it, you conceited fool’, was his response.

“Spray tans on males? Would never talk to that person again.

“Moisturiser made him physically sick. Waxing? Don’t ever get changed in the same room as me again.

“But he reversed his vicious and derisive comments for those that elected to go down the dental enhancement path.

“His disdain and contempt for our great friend Tony Jones has been bordering on slanderous and disparaging in such a way that I feared it covered up a more sinister subplot.

“That subplot can be revealed today.

“Danny Frawley, the humble self-effacing country boy, whose whole public image is based on the knockout larrikin that would rather walk a greyhound with his great mate Plugger than go to a cosmetic shop with Michael Roberts, has succumbed to the lure of self-appeasement.

“In one of the most extraordinary about faces in recent history, Spud is now to be known as CHOMPER FRAWLEY!”

Never miss anything with the Best of Triple M Footy playlist:

Spud’s response to Garry’s soliloquy was decidedly less eloquent:

“Bullshit!” he yelled, before immediately conceding.

“One tooth! I had… I have! I’ve had one!”

As the Rub dissolved into fits of laughter, Garry finished his diatribe

“The very thing you’ve ridiculed Tony Jones, and even Warnie, about for as long as I can remember now sits proudly inside his puffed up lips, gleaming like the sun on a Caribbean beach!”

Spud tried to tell his side of story, telling the boys that he’d had just the one tooth done, but all hell had broken loose.

“They look like a movie screen!” JB said.

“That’s unbelievable!”

MORE CLASSIC SATURDAY RUB:

Spud was eventually given space to explain himself — almost.

“About six weeks ago I had one tooth done, alright?” he said.

“I had an infected root, so they took the root filling out, and this is a tooth that got knocked out at Wycheproof pub when I was 17.”

Garry wasn’t having it, though.

“Come on Chomp, suck it up!” he said to gales of laughter.

We’ll be bringing you more Classic Saturday Rub in the footy off-season, with episodes dropping on Wednesdays and Saturdays all through summer.

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We’ll also be updating the Classic Saturday Rub playlist in video form on our Youtube Channel:

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