Psychologist Explains Why You Feel Like You’re Not A Good Enough Mum
AUTHOR: Shevonne Hunt
The other day I sat down and wrote a list of all the things I didn’t think I was doing properly. I know – what fun! But I was tired of being followed by the nagging feeling that nothing I did quite hit the mark. I wanted to know whether it was true.
When I looked at the final list it filled an entire page. The house wasn’t tidy and clean enough. The dog wasn’t walked enough. I didn’t do enough homework with my kids. I could go on but it really is quite boring and ridiculous. I know I can’t do all the things, all the time, so why do I hold so much guilt that I’m not superwoman?
Psychologist Dr Rebecca Ray says that the “mental load of life-ing is often on mums”. She says women are often expected to know about all the details of life admin – you know, the parties, the doctor’s appointments, the birthdays etc. This in turn leads to a feeling that you are valued by your ability to stay on top of that as well as keeping the house running (and possibly a job too).
“How do we get to the point as women, as mothers, where we can be enough simply because we are?” Beck says, “Simply because we exist, not because we do something to prove our value on top of that?”
When we sat down to chat on my podcast Feed Play Love we spoke about how radical self-acceptance could be the solution to ‘not-enough-ness’, how to do it, and how it can help mums start to live with less guilt and more ease.
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